101 ways to get rid of your annoying neighbor...

Our uberfabulous magnificent awesome ideas

1. Tell them to LEAVE! Don't be soft or feel bad because chances are, your annoying neighbor has probably heard it before!

2. If you have a friend or cousin over and your annoying neighbor rings the doorbell, just have them answer the door and talk in a different language! If they don't know another language, and they ask where you are, have your friend or relative just say that you have no idea WHO you are talking about.

3. Pretend you're sick! (it works!) But unfortunately, if your neighbor is the kind that would jump off a cliff to avoid you stepping on a bug, tell 'em you're leaving for a Cruise to the Bermuda Triangle. (especially if the date happens to be 6/6/6!!!)

4. Don't answer the door, if you know it's them. If your mom makes you, you can always use the 1st method.

5. Be really mean. Like, really UNBELIVABLY HORRIBLE BEAUTIFULY UBERTASTICALY INSANELY mean. yup. Unless they're a tattle- tale and or look like they might carry a knife...

6. Tell them that your grandma just died so you need some time alone...at least for the next decade. After you've used the "grandma" excuse four times, start using grandpas, great uncles, brothers, sisters, pets, second cousins, and, if you're absolutley desperate, tell them that your parents have disappeared.

7. Have some friends of yours dress up as drug dealers and have 'em stand at the front door with assault rifles... (don't play with guns, kids!)

8. Pretend you have a mental dillusion that "makes you forget who everyone is". Pretend not to even know who your parents are.

9. Pretend to be converting to Judaism, so "you have to read all the religious books you can find". Unless you or the neighbor is already Jewish.

10. Say you have Smallpox and can't be touched or even be within 300 feet of anyone not related to you. Get better in about 5- 6 weeks, and in the meantime, never let your parents talk to them- they might ruin it.

11. Develop a small case of rabies... get better within the next couple months.

12. Hire a makeup artist to create a huge gash in your neck. Say you got bitten by a dog. ( see #11)

13. Run Awaaaaaaaaaaay!

14. Plan tons of stuff to do on all the days they are free.

15. Say you have OCD and make sure they have NO idea what that is.

16. Say you're out of medication and you might have a mental or physical break down any second. Then drop to the floor and pretend you're having a seizure.

17. Tell them to come back in a couple minutes. When they come, don't answer the door.

18. Pretend you got beat up at school and that you need about a week to recover.

19. Tell them you're psychic and their parents will get hit by a car unless you go home.

20. Pretend short-term memory got to the best of  you. Or them!

21. When they come to the door, say something like, "I'm so sorry about your disease!" When they say "what?" Say something really complicated like "euliphroctocornsyruphomeosodiumradioactiveness disease. or you can just call it ED!!"

22.Unlock the door, and leave a note saying to come in.  Buy a large tarantula and get it angry.  Then sit it in a box marked "cookies" inside the door and go watch from afar.  Have your lawyer on speed dial.

23. Pretend to be utterly obsessed with some sci-fi series thingy that they despise.  If they like sci-fi stuff, use Oprah as an excuse.  When they come to the door, hurl idiotic threats at them in nonexistent languages and brandishing plastic lightsabers (menacingly).  Then slam the door in their face and go hide under some furniture for 5-10 Hrs.

24. Pretend to be sleepwalking.

25. Throw random heavy things at their head.

26. Soak rolls of toilet paper in gasoline, light them, and hurl at your discretion.

27. Pretend no one else exists and camp on your roof acting like a chicken.

28. Make your feet smell utterly dismal, and then go and terrify your unfortunate victims. 

29. Act like a famous rock star.  OBSESSIVELY

30. Dress up as Spiderman and run around toilet papering everything yelling blasphemies in Korean.  Then when confronted by authorities, lie down and take a very, very long nap. 

(as you might be able to tell, ideas 22 through 30 were a little wack. they werent ours. we respect our employee, T- dawg, who made them up)

31. Tell them that you are going on a camping trip this weekend and you need a lot of time to pack.

32. Ask them to watch educational television with them. Make sure that whatever you are watching, they hate.( blood, guts and open-heart surgery work best)

33. Say your boyfriend is over and you're watching soap operas together and making out. They WILL get the heck out of there.

34. Say your brother just had an affair with his girlfriend, and you're watching your mom yell at him. Guaranteed to make them feel uncomfortable.

35. Run out waving your arms wildly and scream "MY HOUSE IS UNDER ATTACK!!!" Tell them to get out of there if the don't want to die.

36. Tell them you are finishing a masterpiece. If they ask to see it, tell them it would be bad luck to them.

37. Come out using insanely terms of profanity. If they are younger than you, geeks, or just losers, they'll leave. If they're not younger, geeks, or losers, try a different idea.

38. Say you're getting dressed to go to the mall with your best friends.

39. Tell them you're eloping and you want to make sure NO ONE finds out.

40. Say you're building a model of Paris out of toothpicks. If you don't like France, or they do, pick another interesting, big attraction that would be guaranteed to take forever.

41. HIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

42. Tell them you are playing with your four year old cousin who projectile vomits every three seconds. Oh, joy.

43. Ask them if they want to eat some ___(something gross here)___ with you, 'cuz you're really pigging out on it. When they say no, look dissapointed, and say that they can also shares some ___(some different gross thing)___ with you.

44. Use a different idea.

45. Tell them you're going to the beach. If they ask to come, say they can't because because you are going to a private beach.

46. Ask them if they want to go clubing with you and your boyfriend. If they say yes, at the club, make sure you and your boyfriend are making out.

47. Do whatever the heck makes them feel most uncomfortable.

48. Ask them if they want to dig through the trash with you. Oh happy day!

49. (annoying tip: Leave the door unlocked, and when they knock, have the TV on really loud. Yell, "come in!". When (if) they do, just ignore them and keep watchin TV.

50. Stock up on foods they have allergies to. Pig out when they come. :-D food!

51. Pretend to go geeky and don't talk about anything except pi, math, starwars, chemistry, and physics.

52. Tell them the truth. Yup. The whole big TRUTH.

53. try a better idea

54. You can always just leave before they come

55. Tell them you're setting up for your "Family Reunion Party." if they ask to come, say no because they're not in your family.

56. Tell them you're having a private meal.

57. "I'm busy" (old school)

58. "No." (even more old school)

59. Open the door, look around, pretend you don't see anyone, and shut it and lock it again.

60. Let her in graciously, and have your brother jump her (heh, heh)

61. Drool on over them. They won't want to stay.

62. When you answer the door, open it, and just STARE at them. Guaranteed to make them feel uncomfortable.

63. Suggest physical therapy.

64. E.V.I.L: every villain is lemons (WOOOOO that has NOTHING to DO WITH IT!!!)

65. Tell bad jokes. Laugh insanelly at all of them. (e.g. why did the chicken cross the road?)

66. Tell the SAME joke over... and over... and over... and over... and over again! (laugh even more heineously each time)

67. *roll your eyes and sigh* "That is soooo stupid!"

68. When they come over, tell them this is a perfect time to practice your paintballing skills.

69. Say you've taken up knife- throwing, and you'd like to practice. Get an apple and put it on their head.

70. Pretend you can't hear anything. Just nod repeatedly.

71. Open up the door. Say, "WE ALREADY BOUGHT THREE BOXES OF GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!" Slam it shut.

72. Open the door. Say "No one's home." When they knock again, try a different tip.

73. Fall asleep.

74. 'Faint' at the door, then spring back up and jump around in circles laughing wildly!

75. Answer their questions with questions. (e.g. they say "can i have a pencil?" you say "do you want a pen?")

76. Before you answer the door, yell: "MOM, YOU WOULDENT BELIEVE THE SIZE OF THE NOSE HAIR I JUST PICKED OUT!"

77. Open the door, and 'drop' a pencil at their feet. Wait until they bend down to pick it up, and yell, "HEY- THATS MINE!"

78. Ask them if they have a highliter with them. If they say no, slam the door shut, don't answer it again. If they say yes, say, "okay," and do the same thing.

79. Pretend you're on the phone with your grandma. (make sure you haven't already used idea #6.) NEVER get off.

80. Pretend you think you're a an indian. Put your hair in a mohawk. Get a spear (can be fake for law purposes) and brandish it. Chase them out of the house.

81. Scare 'em dead... make sure ya have a shovel to bury their cold, dead, corpse! Put up lost signs!

82. Kidnap their puppy! (heh, heh) That'll keep them busy lookin' for awhile.

83. Leave the door unlocked. When they knock, just yell from your bathroom, "come in!" When they come, pretend to be poping pimples.

84. When they answer the door, ask them if the pizza guy is there. When they say no, slam the door in their face.

85. Read the dictionary. Invite them over for a "dictionary reading party". It consists of you serving only tofu and matte, and reading the dictionary aloud in sync. to bad 80's pop music.

86. Act like you want to become emo. Talk about cutting yourself and other wierd stuff the whole time(make sure that their not emo).

87. The whole time, talk about cheerleading and ask them if they'd help you preform a stunt you have never tried before, but have seen it on t.v.

88. Ask them the same question over and over and over again until they are annoyed and then repeat it again.

89. Echo whatever they say. Ex. They say "I have to go" and you say "I have to go."

90. Talk about all the stuff that they like in a negative manner as if you didn't know that they liked it.

91. Pretend you have a grudge on a teacher and ask them if they'd like to go do graffiti on the teacher's house.

92. Ask them for a cigarette at the door. If they say that they don't have one, scrunch up your face and say "Phooey!" and slam the door.

93. Ask one of your siblings to through an egg at your neighbor as they enter your house.

94. Pretend your mad at someone and constantly throw things across the room.

95. Tell them you just got out of surgery and you need some time alone. If they ask if they can do anything for you, tell them you want a massage or some chocolate from the farthest chocolate store in town.

96. Faint at the door. DON'T get back up.

97. Hire a lawyer to create a restraining order.

98. Hire a hitman to whack her/him.

99. Ask your local bully to beat them up for you.

100. Practice playing your banjo.

101. Tell them that your idol is Saddam Huissein.

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